Last 3 Types of Negative Thinking to Stop Now

For the last 2 weeks, I identified 3 types of negative thinking that interfere with people’s healing. Make sure you read the last post of this month because I’ll be sharing some ideas of how you can get yourself out of these negative thinking traps. I will warn you, it’s not always easy to catch your own negative thinking and then do something about it. Usually, when we’re in a dark place and we realize we need to do something to change it, we’re unmotivated. Having a better idea of how your negative thinking interferes with your peace of mind can lead you to intervene quicker and in a way that is much kinder and more helpful to yourself and others.

Overgeneralization

I see this type of negative thinking most often in people with some kind of trauma and other anxiety disorders. Oftentimes, people develop this type of thinking when something went wrong for them in the past. For example, if you got hurt in past relationships, people may develop the world view that “all men are bad.” Or if a student does bad on a math test they may develop the idea, “I’ll never be good at math.” This cognitive distortion is harmful because this can prevent people from seeing the reality of the situation and what needs to change in order for future, similar situations to be better. I have known a number of people who develop the idea that “all men are bad” and they usually end up bitter about life.

Catastrophizing

People who have this type of negative thinking walk around with the feeling that, “the other shoe is about to drop,” or the next big disaster is just around the corner. I see this most often with people who, in fairness, have had some pretty major things happen to them but they carry around the belief that whatever thing comes next, they won’t be able to handle it. These people may also exaggerate their own accomplishments and minimize someone else’s. They may carry the belief that, “bad things always happen to me,” while not seeing the hard things that other people are going through. This can be especially difficult in relationships when this type of negative thinking interferes with your ability to have appropriate empathy and reciprocity in a relationship.

Personalization 

People who have this type of cognitive distortion usually believe that anything that happens, or anything that another person says or does is directly related to them in a negative way. Oftentimes, when something does happen that affects you in a negative way, there are usually a number of factors that have contributed to that event. For example, if someone was abused as a child, they may believe that they could have controlled their mother or father’s rage by being better behaved. In reality, much of what happened to them was likely out of their control.

We’re all prone to negative thinking at different points in our lives but when it starts happening almost all of the time, that should be a signal that something needs to change. When you label things appropriately, you can find better ways to cope and manage your thinking. 

If you struggle with any of these cognitive distortions, join us for the 21-Day Journaling Challenge. Grab your free copy here and start today. 

I hope this explanation of cognitive distortions will help you understand your negative thoughts and rewire your brain. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.com

3 {More} Types of Cognitive Distortions to Stop Today

I really like cars, mostly expensive and fast cars. I don’t claim to know a lot about different cars, but I do notice nice or expensive cars when I see one. When we went to L.A. a few years ago, I really enjoyed seeing all of the high-end cars that people drove. Personally, I love the classic 70’s Mercedes-Benz body styles. It’s not like my dream car, and I don’t ever want to own one, I just appreciate the look of them. I would actually prefer a car I own to be fast. And when it comes to cars, fast is usually not used in the same sentence as classic. 

Several years ago, my husband did happen to find his dream car (thankfully it didn’t have a huge price tag!) and while I was happy for him, I wasn’t super happy that it took premium gas. Thankfully he doesn’t drive far to work and since it’s a 2-door hatchback, it’s not our family car either. In order for his car to perform its best, it requires maintenance on a specific schedule, a certain type of oil and special tires. (There’s a reason I call his car the Princess in our house!) 

I use this example with my clients to illustrate how cognitive distortions can negatively affect us. When it comes to my husband’s dream car, we are very specific about what type of gas we put into it and are careful to follow the manufacturer’s recommendations on caring for the car. We know that will allow the car to function at its best and we will likely be able to drive it a long time. Once we got this car, we weren’t about to start putting a different kind of gas or oil in the car just because it was cheaper. Our brains function in a similar way, if we put or allow junk into our brains, we won’t function as well or be able to heal emotionally or physically. That’s why I think it’s so important you figure out your own cognitive distortions and then work on changing them. 

Here are the final 3 I will talk about this month. There are actually several more, and you can feel free to look them up on the Internet. Over the last 3 weeks, I’ve given examples of the ones that I see most often in my counseling practice. 

Blaming

In this type of cognitive distortion, people hold someone else entirely responsible for their emotions or their emotional pain. An example of this is when you’re talking to someone and you give them feedback about something and they say, “Quit making me feel guilty about that” or “Quit making me feel bad about myself.” In reality, no one can make you feel a certain way. You are responsible for the way you feel and only you can do something about it.

Emotional Reasoning

In this type of negative thinking, people believe if they feel it, it must be true. For example, if you feel stupid because you answered a question wrong, then you must be stupid. Or if someone looked disinterested in something you were saying, then you must be boring. In reality, there are likely many factors to the interactions you have with people and it’s important to not make assumptions about what people believe about you.

Fallacy of Change

In this type of cognitive distortion, people feel like if they can get the other person to change with enough reasoning or pressure, then their own life will be better. And your happiness is entirely dependent on this change. For example, you try to get your significant other to change something about their appearance, manners or beliefs and once they do, you will be happy and content. This is an especially dangerous cognitive distortion when it comes to our relationships with others. Especially with a significant other. I have counseled many people who have asked for or wanted a specific change, and once that happened, they weren’t any happier. I believe people in relationships should be independent and interdependent. Meaning, you can be dependent upon each other when needed, but you should also be independent apart from one another. 

I hope this is a start for helping you identify your own cognitive distortions and allows you to find some peace and healing. And if you struggle with any of these cognitive distortions, you can jump in and try the 21-Day Journaling Challenge. Grab your free copy here and start today. 

I hope this explanation of cognitive distortions will help you understand your negative thoughts and rewire your brain. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.com

3 Types of Negative Thinking to Stop Now

Last Friday I launched a 21-Day Journaling challenge to help you start the New Year off right and to get to the bottom of some of the negative thoughts that interfere with your life. I hope you’re making some good discoveries, but if not, it’s still early in the challenge. I think you’ll find if you stick with it a few more days, that’s where you’ll gain some momentum.

Since we’re in the middle of the 21-Day Journaling Challenge, I wanted to talk about cognitive distortions. These words are very familiar in the counseling world and are used in conjunction with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT. An oversimplification of CBT therapy is teaching people to, “think about their thinking.” While that sounds easy enough, it’s not. I talk a lot about how the brain is like water, “it goes the path of least resistance.” This means that once a pathway is opened in your brain, your brain will take that pathway again and again because it’s the easiest. Once you teach your brain a new way to think (the 21 Day Journal Challenge is a great way to do this!) that new pathway will be the one your brain takes. The tricky part of all of this is that it takes time and intention to create this new pathway. Unfortunately, new pathways in our brain can open up immediately when something bad happens. That’s why we can easily remember those times in our past when people called us names or something traumatic happened-the pathway for that event opened up immediately. 

One more thing before we move on, we don’t actually get a choice in what our brains (nervous systems) register as bad events or traumatic events. That’s why I always encourage people not to compare their journey with someone else’s-their brain and nervous system interact with the world in a unique way. 

I think all of this is helpful information as you begin to think about your own thinking through the 21-Day Journaling Challenge. I also think understanding cognitive distortions a little better will also be helpful. Here are a few of the most common ones I see in therapy sessions. These are especially present in highly sensitive individuals. I won’t be able to highlight all of them in this post but will try to talk about many of them throughout this month.

Should or Must

In this type of thinking people use should or must statements to put unreasonable demands on a situation which can make them feel like they failed. Often people feel worried and scared when they use this pattern of thinking. This can even keep paralyzed from doing the things that might help them get better. I see this type of thinking most often in people who struggle with perfectionism. Often when people use the phrase, “I should have…” I will say, “Why? Who made that rule up?” It’s a good question to ask when you struggle with this type of negative thinking. Most highly sensitive people, perfectionists, and professionals struggle with this type of thinking and it can lead them feeling stuck and unmotivated. Being able to understand that you have permission not to get everything right all of the time. I heard Ross Greene, psychologist, say a seminar one time, “People are doing the best they can and they can always do better.”  I think there is a lot of freedom in that statement for perfectionists! 

Black & White Thinking OR All or Nothing Thinking

In this type of thinking, people focus on a situation as all negative or all positive and have difficulty thinking about the “gray” areas of a situation. For example, if you’re having a fight with a loved one, you may immediately think that it was all your fault and you’re a bad person. Or you might have some difficulties at work and think that the good outweighs the bad that is happening. The danger in this thinking is that you may stay in a situation or relationship that is toxic because you’re not seeing the whole picture. You may also go into a cycle of shame and guilt of not being able to “fix” the situation because you believe you are solely responsible for what is happening. Being able to see situations with the good and bad can be helpful in freeing you from toxic thoughts, feelings and situations much quicker. 

Just World or Fairy Tale Thinking

In this type of thinking people believe that if you do good things, good things will happen. While there is some truth in making wise choices again and again, and it does usually lead to good things happening. The danger in this is type of thinking is that you may begin to develop a worldview of, “why do bad things happen to me?” This type of thinking can lead to depression and ruminating thoughts. Being able to understand that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes bad things happen to people even when they do the right thing can be a more helpful way of thinking. 

If you struggle with any of these cognitive distortions, join us for the 21-Day Journaling Challenge. Grab your free copy here and start today. 

I hope this explanation of cognitive distortions will help you understand your negative thoughts and rewire your brain. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.com

For 2021 Don’t Do a New Year’s Resolution, Do This Instead!

For many years right after Christmas, I would feel this huge sense of let down and it left me feeling confused and depressed. It would take me several days to feel less depressed and be able to enjoy the time off with my family. The weird thing was that I enjoyed Christmas Day so much, especially when the kids were young. I enjoyed watching them open their presents, helping them with their toys and the mess that came with all of it! 

I realize now that the days leading up to Christmas were hectic and busy and the days after Christmas were slow and lazy. Because I’m highly sensitive this was a difficult transition, to go from being so busy to having the whole week off after Christmas. I also realize that if I have too much down time, I get bored and then I get depressed. That’s always been a fun thing to manage with my high sensitivity.  But once I realized this was related to transitions and boredom, I haven’t been depressed or antsy for many years. 

Whether we like it or not, this time of year is filled with transitions of all kinds. This year might have been slightly different for many of us but normally this time of year is so busy. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is usually a blur and while the transition to the New Year is usually a little less hectic, it goes so fast! I believe that is why I used to get depressed after Christmas, because it’s just so many transitions in a short period of time. 

When I would get depressed, my mind would spiral into all kinds of negative thoughts, like: “why can’t a just enjoy this time with my family?” and “why couldn’t I just be happy?” In addition to me feeling depressed because of this time of year being full of transitions, I realized I had a lot of cognitive distortions playing in my mind. Cognitive distortions are the lies we tell ourselves that lead to thinking and doing things that lead us to negative behaviors. For example, when I would be depressed right after Christmas, and I would tell myself, “I must not enjoy my family.” This would lead me to think all sorts of things that weren’t true, such as, I’m not a good mom, I wish I were more put together, etc. There are many types of cognitive distortions and they are never helpful until you’re able to identify them and do something to change them. It seemed fitting to create something to help you do the same for the coming year. 

I’ve said before that I don’t do New Year’s Resolutions, mainly because they leave so many people feeling defeated and ashamed. I do think it’s a good idea to think about things you’d like to change for the coming year. I always think it’s a good idea to focus on changing one thing, then adding more as that one becomes part of your daily routine. I also think it’s a great time to tackle a negative thought or two that keeps coming up for you! Last week I shared how I realized that rejection in past friendships protected me from toxic friends or situations. And I did that through journaling for 15 minutes a day (or less). And I’ve created a 21-Day journal challenge so that you can change your negative thinking in the new year too! 

The 21 Day Journaling Challenge will start on January 1, 2021.  You can grab your free copy here. I will also post questions on social media along the way to help you with your journaling in case you get stuck. I hope you will be able to use this tool to identify your negative thinking, and then be able to change it to one that is more truthful. 

I hope this explanation of how the 21-Day Journaling Challenge will help you understand your negative thoughts and rewire your brain. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.com

How to Heal Your Brain through Journaling

Last summer as we were cleaning out the garage attic, I found some old journal that I wrote in high school. It was funny looking through them as I don’t remember hardly any of the things that I wrote down. I remember at that time thinking these memories would be so memorable (spoiler: they weren’t!). I also love how 15-year-old me would start all letters and journal entries at that age, “Hey! How are you? I’m doing well.” Not sure why I felt it necessary to answer my own question-to myself.

I also remember at one point that I stopped journaling altogether because when I would reread them, I had no recollection of the events I journaled about. And those events felt very monumental at the time. Over the last several years, I’ve started journaling again because I have a new love for it, and it serves an entirely different purpose for me now. As a highly sensitive person, I understand how important it is for me to process things through my writing. It’s not profound in anyway, it’s just simply away for me to get out of my head and let things go. One of the reasons it’s so helpful for me is that I’m an external processor.

For the most part, I think people fall into 2 categories of how they figure things out. They’re either:

external processors-people think all the way through a problem, then tell you the solution

OR

internal processors-people need to talk it through several times, usually out loud, and each time they talk it through, they find a little of the solution to the problem

Here are 2 of my favorite ways to journal (I’ve shared these before):

·  Set a timer for 3 minutes and write about the thing that I need to process and once the time goes off, I stop

·  Draw a big circle on a page and on the outside write: “Here’s what I know about...” Then I spend about 15 minutes journaling through whatever I’m trying to work through.

A few years ago, I had one of the most profound types of journaling ever. It gave me some great insight. I journaled every day for 15 minutes on a specific topic for 21 days. From a very early age, I felt a deep sense of rejection anytime someone gave me feedback, correction or told me no (I think some of this is due to being highly sensitive). This had a big impact on different relationships throughout my life, but specifically in friendships. So, I spent 21 days journaling specifically about rejection and trying to remember all of the ways that I felt rejected from as far back as I can remember. I remember around day 10, I gained some profound insight into the idea of “rejection” from others. While I won’t share everything I learned because it was a very personal journey, what I will share is that I realized in a deep and meaningful way that when I felt rejected by friends it was more about them and their journey at that point in time than it was about me. I realized that almost all of those times I felt rejected, it protected me. It protected me from someone else’s emotional manipulation or from being in a relationship that left me drained rather than energized. As a result, I now have a completely different relationship with rejection, and as a direct result, friendships/relationships are different.

So here are the ways I’ve personally benefited from journaling:   

·  Gives space for recording creative ideas

·  A place to keep track of goals, wishes or dreams

·  A place for buckets lists

·  A place for “to do” lists

·  A space for organizing or planning

·  A space to remember important events

·  A place to write out prayers and favorite Scripture verses

·  Reduces negative emotions

·  Increases self-awareness

·  Increases creativity

I keep 2 types of journals going at all times and mostly because I like to keep these things separate. I keep one for processing feelings and events that are difficult or that I’m trying to work through. I found a cheap journal so that I can rip out pages if I want, or I can throw it away when I’m done. And then, I have a more expensive one from Amazon that I love, you can find the link here, (I’m not an affiliate for Amazon so I don’t get any money if you use this link!), and I use this one for my Scripture and Contemplative Prayers. If you’re not sure if journaling is right for you or not sure what type of journal to start, here are a few ideas that might help:

·  Bullet journaling

·  Vision journals

·  Prayer journal

·  Gratitude

·  Journal with prompts

·  Daily reflection (AM or PM)

·  Art

·  Growth

·  1-year or 5-year journals

·  One line a day

·  Emotional healing journals

·  Personal development journals

·  Parenting journals (recording important events or memories)

·  Vacation journals (a record of family vacations)

·  Bucket lists

·  Travel planning

I can truly say that journaling rewires my brain. It gives me space to figure things out in a safe way, it helps me give words to what I’m feeling and helps give me clarity when I notice I’m stuck. I hope you’ll try one of these ways to journal so you can figure out if journaling is right for you. I’m also very excited to announce that I’ll be doing a 21-day journaling challenge in the month of January (much like my own personal one that I mentioned above), and I hope you’ll join us! I’ll have all the details next week on the blog!

I hope this explanation of journaling helps you understand how journaling can rewire your brain. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.com

We Make These 10 Things a Priority Every Day in Our Marriage and Here’s Why

My husband and I were a young married couple when we took a group of high schoolers on an all-day canoe trip. We had dated about 4 years before we got married and had never done anything that required team work quite like this before. Up until that point in our marriage we thought we had almost everything figured out: we hardly ever fought, we had good communication and were in agreement about almost everything. We were pretty sure we knew all the secrets to great communication and a lasting marriage. Then we went on this canoe trip.

It was a disaster. If you know me at all, you know I tend to be sarcastic. When I say it was a disaster, I’m not being sarcastic in the least. We literally fought all day. I was in the front of the canoe, he was in the back, and at one point, I think he might have hopped out of the canoe and pushed us just so we would stop fighting. As the only adults on the trip, we did our best to keep our voices low by talking through our teeth and trying not to raise our voices, just short of yelling at each other. It was a long day to say the least. And looking back, it is embarrassing to know that we couldn’t find a solution to communicate better. I think we both realized at the end of the day, that if we were to ever canoe again, we would likely have to have some marriage counseling first. 

Fast forward about 24 years and today we’re celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary. While I still don’t think we have everything figured out. I’d like to think we’ve learned a thing or two about communication and marriage since that canoe trip so long ago. While it’s difficult to sum up why I think our marriage has been so good over the last 25 years here are a few things that I think have helped: 

1. We’re on the same page about big things such as beliefs, values, money, careers, parenting and small things about our daily schedules and how we spend our time. 

2. We put each other’s needs above our own more times than not. We don’t have to do this all the time or every time, but we sure make sure the other one knows that they’re a priority.

3. We like to do things together, but we also like to do our own things. I like to work out in the morning and get up early, he likes to play poker during the week and stay up late.

4. We each have our own friends and couple friends. I think it’s important to have both.

5. We make time for each other. For 15 years or more, we’ve made sure we have a day off together during the week since we aren’t guaranteed to have that time on the weekend. 

6. We let each other pursue our own goals. I know Chris was concerned about money when I wanted to go back to school for my master’s degree and we decided we were going to do it without taking out student loans. But he supported me every step of the way even when money was tight! 

7. We have hard conversations as often as we need them. We’ve had some big things happen over this past year that seemed like we were at an impasse on a few of them. But we kept working at it and communicating with each other until we got to a place that worked for both of us.

8. We trust each other. One thing we think is so important in the age of social media is to have the passwords to each other’s social media accounts and devices. 

9. We’re not critical of each other. We don’t believe we have the best ideas or the best ways to do something. This is so hard sometimes-especially when it comes to parenting. But we respect each other enough to allow the other one to do things with autonomy. 

10. We respect each other’s boundaries. There are times that I don’t get why he has a preference of something being a certain way, but I do it anyway because I love him. And he does the same for me. 

This month I’ve been talking about tips and tricks to help rewire the brain and help you quiet your inner mean voice. One of the reasons I wanted to focus on marriage (other than the fact that it’s my anniversary) is that the people we are in a relationship with can either contribute to the mean voices in our heads or help quiet them. 

One of the things I really like helping people with when it comes to counseling, is making sure they are surrounding themselves with people who are helpful to their healing. Most of us have an inner voice that is critical and mean when we mess up. And when we have friends, partners, spouses, etc. who are also critical it just adds to the shame and guilt we already feel. But having someone who can acknowledge the mistake and tell you it’s going to be okay and it can be figured out can quiet that inner mean voice fast! Being less critical, giving yourself grace and having people in your corner who wants what’s best for you are just a few ways to quiet the inner mean voice. 

I hope these tips and tricks for marriage and finding the right people will help you quiet your own inner mean voice.  If you need more help finding the right people to be in your circle, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling. 

When Your Mind is Racing and Won’t Calm Down - Try This Everyday

I remember a few years ago, one of my friend’s was at the airport and called me quite desperate because she was having a panic attack. I asked her if she trusted me to help her calm down quickly by using meditation and she said “Yes, I’ll do anything to make this stop right now!” I took her through a 3-5 minute body scan and at the end of it she said, “What kind of woo woo did you just use on me? I feel so much better!” We had a good laugh, she went on her way feeling much calmer and more relaxed! 

When your mind is racing, your Inner Mean Voice usually ramps everything up, making things so much worse. It might tell you that you’re not good enough, or you can’t handle whatever you’re going through, or things will be too hard and you can’t stand it. In those moments, you usually believe all of the lies. The reality is, that even if things are hard, you usually figure it out, and things do work out fine-even if they were uncomfortable or hard. One of the ways to help clear your mind and get it “back online” is to use mindfulness or meditation. This helps your anxiety or depression symptoms to calm down and it’s easier to think through how those thoughts weren’t true or helpful.  

When I introduce the concept of mindfulness or meditation to my clients, many people feel a bit uncomfortable because they don’t understand how it can be helpful. It carries an Eastern vibe, something we’re not used to talking about here in our Western culture. I think some people don’t like the implication that it’s a way to alter their state of mind, or be open to all spirituality. While this can be something that some people use it for, there is a lot of research that supports that mindfulness and/or meditation can be as effective or more effective than the medications used to treat anxiety and depression. There is even research to support how it helps with chronic pain.  

Here are just a few of the benefits of mindfulness or meditation:

• Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations

• Being able to separate who you are from your emotions

• Increasing self-awareness

• Focusing on the present

• Reducing negative emotions

• Reduces symptoms of depression, anxiety and pain

• Gaining a deeper understanding of yourself

• Increases attention span

• Increases empathy

• Increases creativity

• Improves memory

• Enhances your immune system

Here are a few types of meditation mindfulness that work well for many of my clients: 

• Guided Meditation-someone with a calm voice takes you through a visualization exercise of being on the beach, a lake, a safe place or calming place. Some other options are: online, YouTube, iTunes or Spotify. Some apps that I like are Calm and Headspace. There are also Christian based apps that are also great-Abide and Dwell. 

• Body Scan-someone with a calm voice (or you can do it yourself once you get the hang of it) starts at the top of your head, and moves all the way to your toes, focusing on a body part and trying to relax and release tension in specific areas. These work well for chronic pain as well. 

• Breathwork-sometimes called diaphragmatic breathing, you focus on breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. There are many ways to do this and the apps mentioned above will take you through several. 

• Present Moment-focusing on the present moment without being distracted and concentrating on what you’re doing at that moment. For example, if you’re brushing your teeth, just brush your teeth.

• Sleep Stories-Someone tells a story in a meditative way that causes relaxation and a way to quiet the mind in order to relax and go to sleep.

• Contemplative Prayer-doing a centering prayer by focusing on a word and then focusing on that over and over again.

• Contemplative Reading-reading a passage in the Bible slowly with the intention of having a deeper understanding of the text. 

There are many other types of meditation, too many to list here. Almost all of the apps above include all of these types of meditation. Most of the apps have a free 7 day trial so that you can find which one you like the best. I encourage you to start by trying a few sessions a week and then working your way up to once a day. Most of these take 15 minutes or less and are a great way to rest and reset. When I do a 3-minute body scan, it feels like I took a 15 minute nap-it’s great! The other great thing about mindfulness or meditation is that the more you practice it, the better it works. 

For the month of December, I’m going to give you tips and tricks on how you can “rewire” your brain and be able to acknowledge how you’re feeling and yet not get overwhelmed by it. One of the most common symptoms my clients complain about is their negative thinking. 

If you found this article helpful, I’d love for you to share it with a friend to help them Quiet their own Inner Mean Voice. I hope this gives you hope to find the right tools to quiet your inner voice once and for all. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling. 

Your Brain is the Biggest Enemy to Happiness and Here’s Why

When I was growing up, I lived in Loveland, Colorado and I used to ride my bike everywhere! I could ride to the baseball fields where my brother played, my friend Sam’s house or Kate’s, my elementary school and even a tiny grocery store to buy candy. I have fond memories of the freedom I had once I could get myself around town. I was able to go back to Loveland a few years ago with my own family, and I was very surprised when I remembered almost all of the streets and exactly how to get around town, even though I hadn’t been back in 30 years! One of my favorite memories was finding the old church building my Dad used to be the Pastor at and discovering it was off of Franklin Street. Funnier still, was that no one in my family remembered the street name until a friend helped us find it using Google Maps. 

I do generally have a good sense of direction and was not totally surprised I remembered so much about the streets I lived on as a child. We moved away when I was in 6th grade so I was surprised that I remembered so much because I was young when we moved. Since then, I’ve learned a lot about the brain and how we have the ability to rewire our brains, daily. The fancy word for this is called neurogenesis. Essentially this means that overnight, new neurons are created in the brain and are ready every morning for the new information we’ll acquire that day. Once I understood this concept, it made sense to me why I was able to still find my way around Loveland so many years ago. 

The brain is very amazing to me and I have a tendency to geek out over it. I love its complexity. One of the things researchers have learned is that in order for us as humans to make a new pathway in our brains, we have to spend 7-15 minutes a day focused on one thing. As we focus on this one thing, our brain opens up a new pathway, the more we use that pathway the easier it is to recall information or build on information contained within that pathway. For example, if you found Algebra to be really difficult to understand, if you spend 5-15 minutes studying every single day, the pathway in your brain for Algebra will begin to grow and develop, and it eventually will become easier and easier to learn those concepts. This is true for anything really. If you have ever heard the saying “it takes 21 days to form a new habit” this is definitely true and supported by research.

Your brain is always looking for like or similar circumstances to file information or experiences within your brain pathways. As your brain takes in all of the information, it is assessing it and trying to make predictions about where to “file” the information as it is coming in. The pre-frontal cortex of your brain is like a giant filing system for your brain! All of this happens with in .04 of second! Therefore, your brain is always trying to make predictions on what you should think or do, say or act. So, the more you go over and over a certain pathway in your brain, this pathway becomes easier and easier for the brain to use. Think about making a new trail up a mountain with a lot of trees and brush. It would take weeks or even years to make a pathway. But for your brain, once a new pathway is open, it will try and take that one as often as it can because it is the path of least resistance. I use this saying very often: “your brain is like water, it takes the path of least resistance.” 

Here’s some bad news about these new pathways. When a bad thing happens or a negative experience happens, whether or it be traumatic or just hard. A new pathway opens up in your brain immediately. For example, if someone makes a negative comment about your hair or outfit, and you’re already feeling insecure about how you look that day, a new pathway opens up and you go over and over that pathway because, it’s the “path of least resistance” for your brain. Therefore, the next time you’re feeling insecure about how you look, the pathway in your brain is primed and ready to take the negative one that’s already open, available and easy.

Here’s some good news. The less we use the pathways, even the negative ones, the brain “prunes” those and files them away to a distant part of the brain’s filing system. Think of your brain “archiving” information you no longer need. The more you can find detours, or open different, more positive pathways in your brain, the easier it will be for your brain to go to these first rather than the negative ones. See why I geek out over the brain? It’s amazing!

For the month of December, I’m going to give you tips and tricks on how you can “rewire” your brain and be able to acknowledge how you’re feeling and yet not get overwhelmed by it. One of the most common symptoms my clients complain about is there negative thinking. This week, I’m focusing on Mindfulness and Meditation and the things you can do to help you Quiet Your Inner Mean Voice once and for all! 

If you found this article helpful, I’d love for you to share it with a friend to help them Quiet their own Inner Mean Voice. I hope this gives you hope to find the right tools to quiet your inner voice once and for all. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling. 

3 Ways your Mental Health is Sabotaging Your Exercise and How to Stop It

In 2008 my Dad had a heart attack and had to have bypass surgery. He lived out of state at the time and soon after, my siblings and insisted they move back to Indiana so we could be close if something ever happened again. After they moved, my Dad and I began working out together at a local gym. It was such a great time of day, to spend one on one time with my Dad. He has since joined a different gym and we don’t work out as often but those are still some of my favorite memories. It’s safe to say that working out with my Dad on those mornings not only helped my physical health but my mental health as well. 

According to the Centers for Disease Control (2020), some of the many physical benefits of working out are improved flexibility, balance, strength and cardiovascular health. Some mental health benefits include lessening of depression and anxiety, as well as improved sleep. We all know there are many benefits of working out, but we usually find many excuses not to do it.

Here are 3 ways your Mental Health is Sabotaging Your Exercise: 

1. Depression: Especially when people are feeling depressed, they tend to view everything through the depression lens and how doing something or not doing something makes them feel. When this is the case, it makes it difficult to get motivated to do anything, especially working out. 

2. Anxiety: One of the symptoms of anxiety is feeling jittery, making it difficult to think. This makes it difficult to make plans, especially to workout. It also makes it easy to talk yourself out of working out!

3. Guilt or Shame: When people know they need to work out and don’t, the guilt and shame cycle starts. When this cycle starts the brain will do all kinds of things to make you sabotage yourself. 

Here are 6 Solutions to get over these mental health roadblocks: 

1. Give your future self a gift. I use this a lot because it is so applicable to so many areas of our lives. When I’m unmotivated to workout, I think about how much better I’ll feel afterwards, or how nice it will be to spend some time talking with my friend. I use this in other areas too such as cleaning, organizing or tackling a project.

2. Set a reasonable goal. In previous posts, you know I almost always encourage people to start small and add to the goal as you accomplish a particular goal. Instead of deciding on Sunday you’re going to get up at 5am and workout every single day. Decide that you’re going to workout 3 days that week no matter what. Then when you feel like you’re doing that consistently, add another day. 

3. The 15-minute rule: I use this one a lot in all areas of life as well. When I’m completely unmotivated to do something, I set a timer for 15 minutes and then I start on the task. I give myself permission to stop after 15 minutes but I almost always finish the task I started. Honestly, the hardest part of doing almost anything is getting started! Especially for Highly Sensitive Persons (HSPs), they have a very difficult time with transitions and will procrastinate on a task because they’re afraid it might overwhelm them.

4. Find something you like (or love) to do: HSPs especially get bored easily which means they might even get bored with one type of workout. After my Dad and I had worked out at the same gym for a while, we got bored, so we switched to a new gym that offers a high intensity work out. I just have to brag on my Dad a minute. He is in his mid-70’s and he runs like a boss on the treadmill! Like running without stopping. He’s a beast in these high intensity workouts! Personally, I balance these high intensity workouts with going to my regular gym and doing a less intense workout. There are so many apps, YouTube videos, online personal trainers (check out Trainer Lindsey-her workouts will get your butt and they’re free!) and so much more. I also like finding high intensity treadmill workouts, and following a plan for running and walking for my workout. Spending a little money on an app or gym that you love is completely worth the investment in my opinion! 

5. Spend some money on good equipment: For the longest time I didn’t have good workout clothes and shoes. But we now have several stores in the area where workout gear is very reasonable. I love having several good workout pants, shoes and shirts. I feel much better going to the gym because I feel more put together and they’re more comfortable. Because you know, they’re made for working out. 

6. Go with a friend: Almost from the beginning when I started working out over 20 years ago, I went with a friend. This is a great chance to catch up with each other while doing something good for my mental and physical health. Even if my friend can’t go, I try and have a podcast or book ready to listen to so that time goes faster. 

I hope this helps you be kind to yourself as you create good habits for working out. Since Christmas is coming up, you might ask for some of these things as gifts! I try to get a new pair of workout shoes around Christmas time, that way I know when I’ve had them about 6 months and it’s time to replace them. 

As a parent, I know when I’m feeling better about myself, I’m a better parent to my boys. I love helping parents untwist their thinking in all areas of parenting, especially parents of highly sensitive kids! I’m not currently taking new clients right now for therapy but I am still available to work with parents for coaching. I have a new parenting cohort starting in January. In this cohort you’ll get:

A free copy of my workbook for Highly Sensitive Kids

3 90-minute group parent coaching sessions, online once a month for 3 months

1 30 minute one on one phone call with me

1 SOS email

This is a great way to work with me and help you feel better equipped to parent your Highly Sensitive Kid(s)! You can sign up or get more information here. 

I hope this helps you find the answer to questions about being realistic in making some healthy changes, like exercising regularly, and how it might help improve your mental health.  If you’re still feeling uneasy about this process, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.

Centers for Disease Control. (2020, October 7). Benefits of Physical Activity. https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/basics/pa-health/index.htm

3 Ways your Mental Health is Sabotaging Your Weight Loss and What to Do About It

If you’re like me, Cornocation, or the stay-at-home order, was not kind to me and I gained some weight! I couldn’t go to the gym, someone else was going to the store for me so it made it a little difficult to choose things I wanted to eat, and I cared less about what I was eating. I’ve been told, many people were in the same boat. According to the CDC nearly half of all adults tried to lose weight within the last 12 months (Martin et al., 2018). Research also shows that U.S. Citizens spend about $60 billion dollars annually on trying to lose weight by joining gyms, joining weight loss programs, and buying diet food (Willaims. G., 2013). I also see many people in my office with goals of wanting to lose weight yet knowing all of the things that will help them to do so, and then doing none of them.

Your mental health could be an underlying factor in sabotaging your eating habits and it can lead to negative thoughts about yourself and your body, poor self-image and low self-worth. In some cases, I even see people with symptoms of depression and anxiety. I am not a nutritionist nor am I an expert in this area. But I can speak to the underlying mental health issues that accompany some people who feel they have gained too much weight and how it could be hindering their weight loss efforts. 

Here are 3 ways your mental health might be sabotaging your eating or weight loss efforts: 

Twisted Truths

I love learning and teaching people about how the brain works, nerdy I know. But I think it’s a great way to help people understand why they continue to do the same things over and over and expect a different result. The easiest way to explain this is, “the brain is like water and it goes the path of least resistance” This means that your brain likes to make things as easy as possible. Once a pathway is established in your brain, your brain will take that every time. When you make a significant change, it’s difficult because you are literally opening up a new pathway in your brain. For example, many years ago, I decided to give up soda. I liked regular soda even though everyone else in my family was drinking diet, and they were encouraging me to do the same. But I just couldn’t knowingly put all those chemicals in my body. I also knew regular soda had lots of sugar and chemicals too, so I decided to just give it up all together. The first several weeks were hard, then it became easier and easier. Now, I don’t even think about it. Because your brain likes to go the path of least resistance it may twist some truths and tell you:

• It’s okay this time

• You can start tomorrow

• One more is not that big of a deal

• You’ve already messed up for today, so just go for it

And on and on your brain can go, trying to convince you to just give up on your efforts. The SOLUTION here is to make a decision and stick with it. Try to start small or focus on one thing before adding the next. If I had decided to give up soda, refined sugar, chips and desserts, I would have failed. Instead, I decided to give up soda, and then when I felt ready, I made the next change. That way, I only had to fight back against one thing at a time instead of all of them at once and I didn’t feel deprived! Instead I was able to tell myself that this was a good thing and I would appreciate it in the long run. 

Twisted Thoughts

I think it goes without saying that we see a lot of images everywhere that tell us how we should look. Social Media has made this even worse. Many people scroll through their news feeds and end up feeling depressed or anxious after what they see other people are doing. This is one way our thoughts can ramp up and get out of control, especially when it comes to eating. Some people might say:

• I’m not as pretty/handsome as...

• I wish I could look like that

• I hate the way I look

When these thoughts get stuck in people’s heads they may begin to emotionally eat, eat without thinking and consume much larger amounts of food than they normally would. This is a type of black and white thinking. Black and white thinking means you’re thinking in extremes. For example, “I’ll never look like they look” or “I’ll never be able to lose this weight.” The truth is you more than likely can do something to change the way you’re eating or exercise so that you will feel good in the body you have. The SOLUTION then is to find something that works for you and stick with it. It could be taking a daily walk, not snacking between meals, eating salads for lunch or dinner, etc. Whatever it is, whenever the black and white thinking creeps in, you have some truth to speak back to it, like, “I took a walk today” or “I ate healthy at lunch today.”

Twisted Sense of Time

I think one of the biggest enemies of taking care of yourself is thinking that it will take too much time to make whatever change you’re hoping to make. Again, your brain wants to take the easy route because it knows what to expect and it thinks it’s “helping” you. In reality, it’s just trying to do the least amount of work possible. One of the biggest struggles people have when it comes to their eating is that they think they don’t have time to:

• Exercise

• Meal plan

• Meal prep

• Eat healthy

The truth is that people make time for what’s important to them. Last week, I had big plans to get up early and go to the store so I could prep for a week of healthy meals. I woke up in the morning with a raging sinus headache that took me out most of the day. At that point, I could have decided to just wait another week to try and eat healthy and instead, I made the healthiest choices I could give what I had available. The SOLUTION is to be kind to yourself and do the best that you can. Being kind to yourself will always get you further than berating and beating yourself up. I know, I just said always which is a form of black or white thinking but it’s true. Kindness always goes much further. 

As a parent, I know when I’m feeling better about myself, I’m a better parent to my boys. I love helping parents untwist their thinking in all areas of parenting, especially parents of highly sensitive kids! I’m not currently taking new clients right now for therapy but I am still available to work with parents for coaching. I have a new parenting cohort starting in January. In this cohort you’ll get:

A free copy of my workbook for Highly Sensitive Kids

3 90-minute group parent coaching sessions, online once a month for 3 months

1 30 minute one on one phone call with me

1 SOS email

This is a great way to work with me and help you feel better equipped to parent your Highly Sensitive Kid(s)! You can sign up or get more information here. 

I hope this helps you find the answer to questions about being realistic in making some healthy changes, like eating better, and how it might help improve your mental health.  If you’re still feeling uneasy about this process, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.

Martin, C.B., Herrick, K.A., Sarafrazi, N., Ogden, C.L., (2018, July). Attempts to Lose Weight Among Adults in the United States, 2013–2016. National Center for Health Statistics. https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db313.htm#:~:text=Nearly%20one%2Dhalf%20(49.1%25),40%E2%80%9359%20(52.4%25)

Williams, G. (2013, January 2). The Heavy Price of Losing Weight. U.S. News & World Report. https://money.usnews.com/money/personal-finance/articles/2013/01/02/the-heavy-price-of-losing-weight