I really like cars, mostly expensive and fast cars. I don’t claim to know a lot about different cars, but I do notice nice or expensive cars when I see one. When we went to L.A. a few years ago, I really enjoyed seeing all of the high-end cars that people drove. Personally, I love the classic 70’s Mercedes-Benz body styles. It’s not like my dream car, and I don’t ever want to own one, I just appreciate the look of them. I would actually prefer a car I own to be fast. And when it comes to cars, fast is usually not used in the same sentence as classic.
Several years ago, my husband did happen to find his dream car (thankfully it didn’t have a huge price tag!) and while I was happy for him, I wasn’t super happy that it took premium gas. Thankfully he doesn’t drive far to work and since it’s a 2-door hatchback, it’s not our family car either. In order for his car to perform its best, it requires maintenance on a specific schedule, a certain type of oil and special tires. (There’s a reason I call his car the Princess in our house!)
I use this example with my clients to illustrate how cognitive distortions can negatively affect us. When it comes to my husband’s dream car, we are very specific about what type of gas we put into it and are careful to follow the manufacturer’s recommendations on caring for the car. We know that will allow the car to function at its best and we will likely be able to drive it a long time. Once we got this car, we weren’t about to start putting a different kind of gas or oil in the car just because it was cheaper. Our brains function in a similar way, if we put or allow junk into our brains, we won’t function as well or be able to heal emotionally or physically. That’s why I think it’s so important you figure out your own cognitive distortions and then work on changing them.
Here are the final 3 I will talk about this month. There are actually several more, and you can feel free to look them up on the Internet. Over the last 3 weeks, I’ve given examples of the ones that I see most often in my counseling practice.
Blaming
In this type of cognitive distortion, people hold someone else entirely responsible for their emotions or their emotional pain. An example of this is when you’re talking to someone and you give them feedback about something and they say, “Quit making me feel guilty about that” or “Quit making me feel bad about myself.” In reality, no one can make you feel a certain way. You are responsible for the way you feel and only you can do something about it.
Emotional Reasoning
In this type of negative thinking, people believe if they feel it, it must be true. For example, if you feel stupid because you answered a question wrong, then you must be stupid. Or if someone looked disinterested in something you were saying, then you must be boring. In reality, there are likely many factors to the interactions you have with people and it’s important to not make assumptions about what people believe about you.
Fallacy of Change
In this type of cognitive distortion, people feel like if they can get the other person to change with enough reasoning or pressure, then their own life will be better. And your happiness is entirely dependent on this change. For example, you try to get your significant other to change something about their appearance, manners or beliefs and once they do, you will be happy and content. This is an especially dangerous cognitive distortion when it comes to our relationships with others. Especially with a significant other. I have counseled many people who have asked for or wanted a specific change, and once that happened, they weren’t any happier. I believe people in relationships should be independent and interdependent. Meaning, you can be dependent upon each other when needed, but you should also be independent apart from one another.
I hope this is a start for helping you identify your own cognitive distortions and allows you to find some peace and healing. And if you struggle with any of these cognitive distortions, you can jump in and try the 21-Day Journaling Challenge. Grab your free copy here and start today.
I hope this explanation of cognitive distortions will help you understand your negative thoughts and rewire your brain. If you need more help understanding the HSP trait, please feel free to contact me at 317.496.0456 or email lisa@peacefamilycounseling.com. I’d be happy to hear what is happening and help you find the right fit for counseling. If you are looking for help with depression, anxiety, trauma or behavioral concerns, you can read more about how I can help at my website peacefamilycounseling.com